Life

I think it's okay to not know what you want. I think it is okay to float aimlessly for a while and experience things that make you happy. You can't do it forever, but you can for a while. Everything helps you grow in one way or another, and learning from your mistakes is the best way to learn anything, really. The last couple days I have been off and I know it, I just don't know WHY, exactly. Since Sunday I have been in a kind of funk and it's leaving me feeling blah. Kind of like I did this summer. I don't want to see or talk to people, but at the same time is drives me nuts not being around others so I end up feeling crappier no matter what I do. Then for no reason today I just started bawling. It was ridiculous. Just cried, like a baby, for like ten minutes. Then at work tonight I would just suddenly need to cry again, no idea why. I think my pills might be fucking with me a little, since I've only recently started taking them again.

Also, regardless of whether or not you have had an asthma attack in recent history or not, carry your effing inhaler. It happened to me Saturday and hadn't for the last three years, and it didn't help that I've been sick and can't breath anyway from all the coughing all the time and the phlegm, plus I was drinking and Brett and Evan were smoking in close proximity to me. I kind of freaked Brett out a little I think, and Evan too because he actually came to check on me as I am laying on Brett's bed wheezing and Brett is about a second away from going to get my inhaler. Luckily I didn't need it in the end. Brett took good care of me, so that helped a lot. To top it off, it happened AGAIN like two hours later, though not nearly as ridiculous as the first one. So I'm sitting there on the couch trying to catch my breath and just calm down and Tim and Evan were just kind of like, "Please don't die?" Evan's just kind of rubbing my back and Tim's looking concerned and everything. I felt like such a little kid. What 23 year old has an effing asthma attack? Come on. Ri-God-damn-diculous. On the plus side, if it only happens to me once every three years from now on, it is better than every effing day. Eff that noise.

I am going home tomorrow. I took a half day subbing job and will be working with kids in the HeadStart program (3, 4 and 5 year olds, yay!) so that will be fun. I was at Holmes today and Park yesterday. Man, I love my Park kids. I am so psyched for Spring and long-term subbing. I am also psyched for turkey and mashed potatoes and corn and stuffing. And I don't even like stuffing.

Happy Thanksgiving. Don't be so materialistic this Holiday season.